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ThanksKilling 3 (2012) KILL COUNT is the three hundred and twelfth video of James A. Janisse's series, the Kill Count (Movies)

Overview[]

We start out with the very same topless pilgrim again, this time… In Space! Turkie flies up in a starfighter and shoots her in half with his lasers, yelling “Nice tits, bitch– in Space!”

Credits roll.

Legend has it that Thankskilling 2 was the worst movie ever made. Only one copy remains, and Turkie would stop at nothing to get it. As the credits roll, we see men in hazmat suits with flamethrowers burning every last copy of Thankskilling 2 out in the desert.

Turkie is celebrating his 504th birthday party as Mrs. Turkie comes in and so does his son Nibble. They watch a commercial for the new product the Pluckmaster 3000, that kills, skins, cooks, and carves turkeys in 30 seconds! After the commercial, there’s a news story about the complete eradication of all copies of Thankskilling 2. Turkie is not happy.

Turkie goes berserk and kills Mrs. Turkie. Nibble plans to be his assistant as they go in search of an existing copy of the movie.

Greg Garbage pukes up a copy of the film in the dumpster where he lives. The alien muppet Yomi finds it and meets Uncle Donny, a guy who dresses like Mozart and is the inventor of the Pluckmaster 3000. Turkie and Nibble fly into town on the Big Seagull Taxi, and Turkie steals Nibble’s soul, embedding it in the last DVD of Thankskilling 2.

Jefferson, another guy with Mozart’s wig, talks to his puppet mother when Uncle Donny and the Yomi puppet come in looking for a piece of her mind. Jefferson wants to stick her with the butter knife stuck on the end of his broomstick. Then a giant talking cockroach comes in and directs Yomi into the oven. The two of them are building a mostly-imaginary theme park called Thanksgivingland when Jefferson gets run through by his long-awaited, near-mythical long pike…

…And I claim defeat. This movie defies writing a coherent synopsis. More stuff happens with puppets, muppets, cartoons, videogames, songs, chainsaws, bad wigs, alien worms, wise turkeys, skeleton turkeys, Frankenturkey, and Turkey Hell. Lot of stuff definitely happens, but what, how, and why it happens is irrelevant; you just gotta experience this mess for yourself.

Deaths[]

Counted Deaths:[]

  1. Topless Astronaut - Blasted in half by lasers - 1 min in
  2. Mrs. Turkie - Chopped in half through the sagittal plane by Turkie - 12 mins in
  3. Nibla - Thrown to death from seagull by Turkie - 20 mins in
  4. Jefferson - Cut into pieces by Turkie - 33 mins in
  5. Lois (AKA Flois) - Mouth torn apart by Turkie's chainsaw dick - 59 mins in
  6. Montage Victim #1 - Killed by Turkie's broadcast... I guess? - 1 hr 14-15 mins in
  7. Montage Victim #2 - Killed by Turkie's broadcast... I guess? - 1 hr 14-15 mins in
  8. Montage Victim #3 - Killed by Turkie's broadcast... I guess? - 1 hr 14-15 mins in
  9. Montage Victim #4 - Killed by Turkie's broadcast... I guess? - 1 hr 14-15 mins in
  10. Blarth (FKA Frankenturkey) - Head blown off by muff cannon - 1 hr 18 mins in
  11. Rhonda - Crushed - 1 hr 20 mins in
  12. Muff - Accidentally shot self in head - 1 hr 20 mins in
  13. Wise Turkey - Decapitated w/ axe by Turkey in video game fight - 1 hr 24 mins in
  14. Turkie - Decapitated, head went through vortex to space - 1 hr 28 mins in

Villains[]

  • Turkie

Trivia[]

  • This is the first time where two movies (ThanksKilling 3 and Hellraiser: Bloodline) are in one trailer.
  • This is the Kill Count with the shortest "To the Numbers Bit", with it being around 1.5 seconds.
  • On November 26, 2021, this is #4 Trending for Gaming (for some reason).
  • This is one of James's least favorite movies covered on the Kill Count.
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