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ThanksKilling 3 (2012) KILL COUNT

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ThanksKilling 3 (2012) KILL COUNT is the three hundred and twelfth video of The Kill Count.

Overview[]

We start out with the very same topless pilgrim again, this time… In Space! Turkie flies up in a starfighter and shoots her in half with his lasers, yelling “Nice tits, bitch– in Space!” Credits roll. Legend has it that Thankskilling 2 was the worst movie ever made. Only one copy remains, and Turkie would stop at nothing to get it. As the credits roll, we see men in hazmat suits with flamethrowers burning every last copy of Thankskilling 2 out in the desert. Turkie is celebrating his 504th birthday party as Mrs. Turkie comes in and so does his son Nibla. They watch a commercial for the new product the Pluckmaster 3000, that kills, skins, cooks, and carves turkeys in 30 seconds! After the commercial, there’s a news story about the complete eradication of all copies of Thankskilling 2. Turkie is not happy. Turkie goes berserk and kills Mrs. Turkie. Nibble plans to be his assistant as they go in search of an existing copy of the movie. Greg Garbage pukes up a copy of the film in the dumpster where he lives. The alien muppet Yomi finds it and meets Uncle Donny, a guy who dresses like Mozart and is the inventor of the Pluckmaster 3000.

Turkie and Nibla fly into town on the Big Seagull Taxi, and Turkie steals Nibble’s soul, embedding it in the last DVD of Thankskilling 2. Jefferson, another guy with Mozart’s wig, talks to his puppet mother when Uncle Donny and the Yomi puppet come in looking for a piece of her mind. Jefferson wants to stick her with the butter knife stuck on the end of his broomstick. Then a giant talking cockroach comes in and directs Yomi into the oven. The two of them are building a mostly imaginary theme park called Thanksgivingland when Jefferson gets run through by his long-awaited, near-mythical long pike, but is proven wrong when he gets cut into pieces by Turkie. He then revives Nibla as the Thankskilling 2 DVD, only for him to be pulled out through the doorway. Uncle Donny, Yomi and Lois follow it into a forest, and Turkie is left behind. The next time we see them, they're discovered by the Wise Turkey, who give Yomi a wishbone and disappears, and then all of a sudden, they're back in their house. Turkie welcomes them back, and takes the DVD away from Yomi, but then the doors burst open to reveal Rhonda Worm and Muff. They were in a few scenes looking for Turkie. Uncle Donny turns on a prototype Pluckmaster, which processes Turkie and ejects him out the window, which almost kills him.

Rhonda reveals that he was Turkie's Co-Star in Thankskilling 2. They began an affair and Rhonda learned that Turkie was using dark magic in his performance. Anyone who watched Thankskilling 2 would fall under Turkie's spell. To destroy the last copy of Thankskilling 2 and prevent Turkie's cursee from taking hold, Muff would send the DVD into space through a vortex which Rhonda activates out of Muff's butthole. Meanwhile, Turkie recruits his Skeleturkeys to rebuild him, but apparently, they somehow lost his penis. To make up for that, Turkie gives himself a chainsaw dick before menacingly saying "Gravy!"

He cuts his way into the house and kills Lois by sticking his chainsaw in her mouth. The vortex gets screwed up and the others beat up the Skeleturkeys that attacked them. Turkie then tries to kill Yomi with his chainsaw, but then Uncle Donny sticks his hand up her hole to bring her back to life. Yomi and Rhonda find Turkie, introduces his beast, Blarth, who chases them through the tunnel so they can get back to Donny's place. Muff stops Blarth by blasting him to death with his arm cannon. Rhonda reveals that he was injured during the getaway, and Muff extra injures him by crushing him to death against his chest. Then Muff accidentally shoots himself in the head.

Turkie and Wise Turkey appear in the room, and fight in the style of an old video game. Turkie wins then fight, and Rhonda comes back to reactivate the vortex out of Muff's broken butthole. Yomi tries to destroy the DVD once and for all, but Turkie shows up and starts beating her to death, but then she stabs Turkie in the neck with her wishbone, causing Turkie to erupt into a pillar of flame. As Turkie's head grabs onto Yomi's leg. Nibla pushes his dad off and kills Turkie once and for all.

Donny lets her go home and finds joy later by bringing Thanksgivingland to live with the help of Rhonda and Muff. The movie ends with Turkie appearing and yelling "Gobble Gobble, Motherfucker!"

Deaths[]

Counted Deaths[]

  1. Topless Astronaut - Blasted in half by lasers - 1 min in
  2. Mrs. Turkie - Chopped in half through the sagittal plane by Turkie - 12 mins in
  3. Nibla - Thrown to death from seagull by Turkie - 20 mins in
  4. Jefferson - Cut into pieces by Turkie - 33 mins in
  5. Lois (AKA Flois) - Mouth torn apart by Turkie's chainsaw dick - 59 mins in
  6. Montage Victim #1 - Killed by Turkie's broadcast... I guess? - 1 hr 14 mins in
  7. Montage Victim #2 - Killed by Turkie's broadcast... I guess? - 1 hr 14 mins in
  8. Montage Victim #3 - Killed by Turkie's broadcast... I guess? - 1 hr 15 mins in
  9. Montage Victim #4 - Killed by Turkie's broadcast... I guess? - 1 hr 15 mins in
  10. Blarth (FKA Frankenturkey) - Head blown off by muff cannon - 1 hr 18 mins in
  11. Rhonda - Crushed - 1 hr 20 mins in
  12. Muff - Accidentally shot self in head - 1 hr 20 mins in
  13. Wise Turkey - Decapitated w/ axe by Turkey in video game fight - 1 hr 24 mins in
  14. Turkie - Decapitated, head went through vortex to space - 1 hr 28 mins in

Non-Counted Deaths[]

  • Unnamed Plane Pilot - Fell to their death when their plane crashed into a skyscraper
  • Three Unnamed People - Died of unknown causes off-screen, body parts seen
  • Two Male Turkeys - Died of an unknown cause off-screen. Revived as skeletons

Trivia[]

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